After this, I stay away from excesive amounts of carbs. _darra_, this is for you. Death!!
All sweaty and nasty after my 2nd hip hop class to date, I met up with Kareli for a quick dinner. She suggested going to Vera’s which is known for their burgers. I agreed to it because there was something else on their menu I wanted to try.
Here’s a little something about Vera’s.
Notice that it’s a FULL FAT operation.
Despite Kareli telling me “You’re not fat, Guillermo!”, I know I have gained too much weight because my measurement jeans no longer fit. Since we were on our at least once a week dinner out, I decided to go vegetarian thinking it might help with the dieting. We had dinner at Provence. I quite enjoyed the food but felt a guilty about the cheese. Hopefully, my lactose intorelance will get rid of some of those cheesy calories.
The Warm Goat Cheese Salad was absolutely delish.
A bit of bread on the side was needed to tame the flavour of the The Wild Mushroom Ravioli.
My friends and I have an obsession about weight. It’s always either about having to gain more weight, or having to lose a few pounds. Actually, I shouldn’t be limiting that to “my friends and I” because I think weight obsession is present in pretty much every westernized culture. Whether it being muscular, sexy, trimmed, toned, athletic, slim, anorexic or manorexic, everyone always that perfect look that they try to achieve or maintain. Fat is not one of those options. If you think about it, you’d figure that it’s terribly superficial. But in this world we live in, being fat is not only a health risk, it’s a societal faux pas. People treat you differently when you’re overweight.
In childhood, fat kids get teased and made fun of. At the early age of four years old, my cousin’s daughter put herself on a diet and exercise regimen because her classmates in kindergarten refused to play with her and mocked her about her obviously larger capacity. She would come home in tears and would refuse to eat. She told her mother that she was fat, ugly and had no friends. No one wanted to be friends with the fat kid. This was three years ago. She is now a skinny and happy seven year old.
At ten years of age, I began what was to be a neverending string of diets and attempts at losing weight. When I was younger, I was constantly surrounded by my skinny cousins, while I was a little on the heavier side. They used to call me “taba“, meaning fatty. Looking back, I wasn’t overweight, I was simply healthier looking than they were. Of course, being a child, I didn’t realise that and took to eating because that was what was expected of me. When I migrated to Toronto, I did not want to be the “fatty” anymore. I put myself on my first diet. To this day, I struggle with weight issues.
Even with the knowledge that people are built differently, and that physical appearance shouldn’t matter, I long to be slim. The thought of people describing me as slender is so appealing that when I heard a stranger point me out as the “tall, slender Asian” a few weeks ago, it made my morning, afternoon, evening, week, and month. Being thin has become that important in my life. It’s on my mind, every hour of everday.
Yesterday, while having a delicious vegetarian dinner and feeling guilty about having cheese with it’s multitude of calories, I asked myself, “Why this obesession with weight?”
I looked around at all the White folk (Kareli and I were the only non-Caucasians in the restaurant) and noticed that none of these people were overweight. That didn’t really give me an answer, but it did take my mind off of the fat obsession for awhile. I started to wonder why there were no other Asians, Latinas, or Black folk eating there.
On the commute home, however, I noticed a fat couple. The male was in a t-shirt and jeans. The female was in sweats. I thought to myself, “Oh my goodness! They’re so filthy. I hope they don’t sit next to me. I bet they’re wearing that because they couldn’t find anything decent that fit them.” Then I started coming down on myself for thinking such mean thoughts. The truth is, as far as the fashion industry goes, designers don’t normally have a fat person in mind when coming up with a clothing line. People who are thinner have a wider selection of clothes to choose from. Then I remembered some other situations where I thought of my being thinner as advantage over other people. There was a time during an audition for a musical, that a heavier set person came after my audition. The guy blew me away. I got the part. I knew I had the part because, as awesome as his performance was, he was fat. Another situation happened recently during job interviews. I had entered an open interview and there were two of us for that session together. The HRD person looked at me while I answered her questions. She looked the overweight fella up and down while he gave her his answers. I knew then that his appearance is going to be a factor in the HRD’s decision of hiring.
I know it’s wrong to shudder at the thought of a little extra storage room but that’s the world we live in. It’s a lot easier to struggle in the battle the bulge (I’ve been doing it almost my entire life.) rather than having to be the butt of everyone’s joke. It’s a fact that thin people have a better chance at getting a good career and a better quality relationship simply because there are more opportunities and options to choose from. I know it’s wrong to seek this shallow acceptance from people, but I’d take dieting, exercising and popularity over being fat and alone. Being thinner gives you more chances and opens up more doors in this life. Some people would say we should live life to the fullest and eat everything we like ’cause we only live once. I’d totally agree with that if you can guarantee I die tomorrow.